A New Life
by SabArtFan
Summary: His hold on Tessa tightened as she buried herself against him and then Jem only thought about his racing heartbeat, so unfaltering and so strong. He couldn't help but wonder about their faith… how lucky he was to have been given a whole new life. A new life with Tessa. - Hello everyone, here's my attempt at a post-clockwork princess, hope you all like it and please comment :D -


Time had stretch till eternity. It seemed to Jem like it was yesterday that he had held the same girl in his arms and at the same time, it also held a world of bitter happiness. It held Will.

As he was discovering back Tessa's lips, surrounded by the London life on Blackfriars bridge, he couldn't help but recall his long-lost parabatai; his blue eyes and his carefree laugh. Their loves had been so intertwined, his love, Tessa's, Will's… They had all been part of the bravest heart that had faced the ugliest tempest.

His hold on Tessa tightened as she buried herself against him and then Jem only thought about his racing heartbeat, so unfaltering and so strong. He couldn't help but wonder about their faith… how lucky he was to have been given a whole new life. A new life with Tessa.

All remaining shadows faded from Jame's heart and it's with renewed passion that he kept losing himself in the so-long waited embrace of his once-upon-a-time fiancée.

* * *

Jem and Tessa were holding hands, eyes lost in each other, not saying anything. It didn't bother him that he didn't know where Tessa was bringing him. He was with her, at last.

- "I kept your violin" she said gravely. "Throughout all my travels."

He looked at her and smiled warmly.

- "Would you like me to play?" He said.

Tessa's eyes sparkled, amused, and she answered him in a husky voice.

- "Yes. But this is not the first thing I'd like us to do."

There was so much intimate under currents in her voice and eyes that Jem felt a light blush invade his cheeks. Although his tan was slowly coming back, he still was cursed with this revealing effusion. He returned Tessa's gaze with somewhat of nervousness but also eagerness.

- "I love you" she said. "I want to know all of you, James Carstairs. I've waited long enough for it."

Jem swallowed hardly and gave her a shaky smile.

- "Whatever you want, Tessa. I just hope you won't be disappointed."

- "That's not possible Jem" she said, confident. "I do remember you as an eager and passionate partner. That's all that is needed."

Jem blushed even brighter but then Tessa bent down her head a bit, her loose curls falling down her face.

- "It's also been awhile for me Jem" she said in a small voice. "This is a new life for both of us. We'll figure it out."

She raised her eyes to his and when he looked down on them, he saw all the heaviness of the years that she had spent alone, grieving. His heart clenched violently, recognizing the same longing and sorrow that had been his constant companion throughout his years as a Silent Brother. Never overwhelming but nagging at the back of his mind, lightly present, a tribute to what he had lost.

Yes, they would figure it out.

* * *

They had arrived in front of a small building, holding maybe 4 to 6 apartments. Nothing fancy, a small wood door, big windows. It was so like Tessa that he couldn't contain a smile. When she dropped his hand to unlock the front entrance, he felt all his nervousness come back at once. It had been so long since he had felt human emotions, he had a hard time controlling them. He was a grown man prey to a teenager's passion. He was overwhelmed by his desire but also afraid of spoiling it... Just like a teenager.

Tessa turned around, gave him an impish glance and grabbed back his hand, making him enter a dark hallway leading upstairs to the apartment doors. As they walked up the steps, his heart raced almost to an ache. All that he had wished when he was human was to be close to Tessa, know everything about her. In that time though, it wasn't proper to do so and he still felt a slight twinge of guilt go through him, knowing what they were about to do, no marriage involved. He knew in his heart that Tessa could ask anything of him and he would give it to her, marriage included, he was even eager to conclude it. He also knew that the times had changed but he still needed to let her see that he wasn't expecting a casual relationship, that he was nothing if not serious about the two of them and the future of their lives together. That's why, when Tessa got out the key to unlock her apartment's door, he said:

- "Tessa, you know that I love you and that I wish us to be more than..." he cleared his throat... "lovers, right? If you wish to marry first, I'll wait. We waited long enough, less or more will be fine."

Tessa turned around, her eyes bright and warm, a tender smile on her lips.

- "My Jem... I didn't remember how selfless you are. I am a grown woman now. I had a life, I've been married. I've learned what is important and what isn't. And what is important is that I love you, that we've been apart too long and that I want to be close to you as much as I can. I want to feel you, to know that I'm not dreaming, that this is real and that you won't vanish in the morning. Her smile widened. I am sure. I want you. Now. I don't need a golden dress to know that."

Jem's breath had become ragged and his pulse was raging, his mouth slightly open, speechless and amazed. Tessa gently tugged at his hand and draw him inside, where is future laid.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Tessa enfolded him in a fierce embrace, seeking his lips with eagerness, her arms wrapping around his neck tightly. She tossed her scarf wildly aside in the process. Jem felt like he was falling into an abyss of sensations, empowered by Tessa's need of him. He encircled his own arms around her back and crushed her against him, conquered by her passion that spread like wildfire through his veins. His fingers laid over the small of her back, pressing her against his hips, already lost to his desire, all reluctance forgotten.

Tessa clutched her hands in his now black hair, inviting him to deepen their kiss. Obedient, he gently parted her lips, invading her mouth and enfolding their tongues in a dizzying dance.

Jem rested his back on the door and lowered his hands, fingers grabbing her buttock. Tessa's legs opened and she lifted one to wrap around his calf. His knees felt weak, about to give out under him, his pulse beating to his temples. He vaguely thought that they should be moving out to her bedroom if he didn't want their first time to be consummate right here, on the floor.

Tessa seemed to hear him out without him saying anything and she left his lips, grabbed his hand to lead him again into the depths of her apartment.

They were devouring each other with their eyes as they impatiently made their way through the threshold of her chamber. She dropped his hand and raised hers to the bottom of her cashmere top, her eyes never leaving his as she slowly lifted it.

His breath that was beforehand ragged became hitched, struggled in his now closed-up throat. His hands fidgeted to his side, hungry to touch her, nothing or nobody to stop them now. He couldn't contain himself anymore when Tessa's golden skin appeared as she finally peeled off her top.

Jem crossed the few steps separating them, which felt like miles, and he ferociously claimed back her lips, his hands exploring feverishly her naked skin. He touched her longingly, sensuously, as he had once touched his beloved violin.

His fingers trembled when he shyly cupped her breasts and heard her sharp intake of breath that ended in a low moan. She whispered against his mouth unintelligible words that he assumed meant to keep going and he slid his hands behind her to detach her bra... which he had difficulty with. Tessa let out a low chuckle and came to his rescue, unclasping it with ease. Jem smiled ruefully and slowly removed the useless piece of clothe. He tossed it aside and took a step back, admiring Tessa in the dim light of the late afternoon. His eyes travelled over her body, taking in all he had dreamed about for so long. A bit choked, he murmured hoarsely:

- "You're so beautiful, Tessa. I never thought I could..." the words caught in his throat... "Never thought I would..."

He gave up, seeing understanding and sadness enter Tessa's eyes.

- "I had buried this dream a long time ago too, Jem. I had resolved myself to live an eternity of loneliness... with only Magnus to see once in a while and Brother Zachariah, once a year. But now, I have all of you Jem. Come here."

She opened her arms and he willingly went to her, lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his hips, to carry her to the bed, a four-posts bed... Jem smiled at the reminder of an embrace they shared a lifetime ago.

He laid her down delicately on the comfortable quilt but she didn't let go of him, dragging him down on top of her. As he was about to kiss her again, he felt her small hands wander down him to quickly grab the hem of his blue jumper, lifting it up. He felt self-conscious for a moment but obliged anyway. She peeled it off completely and threw it away, impatient. He looked down in her eyes as she softly caressed his chest now offered to her gaze without anything between them.

She touched his rib cage, the hole of his throat, the sunk of his stomach, all the places of his body that used to be hollowed sickly and when she looked back at him, she seemed amazed at the healthy changes of his condition. She was about to speak when Jem silenced her with his mouth, before she could talk about how ill he had been... about what had separated them in the first place. Tessa acted as she understood, giving in to his kiss, pressing herself against him, helping him to forget...

He felt himself burn fiercely as their skins touched, without any barrier. Her round breasts rubbed against his overheated chest, driving him mad with desire. It's without any shyness remaining that his mouth traced the curve of her jaw to reach the arch of her neck, trailing down to her soft shoulders. Tessa's back bowed under his touch, her lips escaping small sounds of pleasure, moans and panting breath. When his tongue found the tip of her breasts to swallow her nipple, she grabbed his hair ferociously, pulling him closer. As he savoured her avidly, playing of her as of an instrument, using all her scales, his musician instinct unwavering, he felt her fingers caress his shoulders and back with wonder and awe.

Jem's fingers followed the pronounced curve of her waist and inserted themselves under the waistband of her jeans. He dodged the obstacle of her panties and cupped languorously her buttock. Her legs parted by themselves and came up to encircle Jem's hips, closing tightly on him to feel his obvious excitement, rubbing herself against him. The hand he had laid on her back dig in her skin, convulsing from the overwhelming sensation. He bitted down lightly on her nipples, feeling her shiver ride over her skin, intoxicated with the taste and smell of her. He ran the bridge of his nose between her breasts, inhaling deeply.

Suddenly rendered impatient by Tessa's hips moving convincingly against his and their panting breaths, he found the buttons of her jeans and unzipped her quickly, sliding his hands under the underwear and slowly bringing both clothes down, fondling her long legs lovingly till the end of her small feet. Tessa's gaze never left his, her eyes clouded by the haze of desire. As he went his way back up again, after he had discarded the clothes, trailing kisses all the way, Tessa grabbed him under the arms, pulling him up and reached for his own waistband, untying it as fast as he had done himself with her jeans.

They weren't controlling anything anymore, completely surrendered to their senses, eager to loose themselves in each other. Tessa's hands pulled down his pants and boxers, her thumbs caressing his erection on the way, which made him flinch wildly. Her feet rolled down the rest of his clothes and he wiggled them off of himself. Impatient to feel her totally naked against him, he was about to lay down on her again but she held him up, her hands on his stomach. He looked at her puzzlingly as she sat down, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

He hadn't expected her to swallow his manhood in one swift movement, her tongue caressing his welcomed length. Jem growled hoarsely, his breath released with effort as his mind gave out under the whirlwind of pleasure that engulfed him. He clasped Tessa's hair, despairing to find a hold in the savage storm. Her mouth and tongue tortured him restlessly, up and down, enfolding him, the warm wetness heightening each sensation, rising him up to steel's strength, driving him up to explosion. Her small hands grabbed his buttock firmly, giving him no escape. He struggled, trying to speak.

- "Tessa..." he choked, panting... "Tess, I'm..."

She didn't give him the leisure to finish his sentence as she picked up her pace, making him forget all he was about to say. He could only race along under her divine touch, feeling his climax near, at his fingertips. It suddenly fell on him like a ton of bricks, breaking him down as an inarticulate puppet, his voice escaping in a deep moan, half-growled, half-screamed. He fell backward, only contained by Tessa's grip on him. She slowly released him, letting him lay down on his back and kissed his sex gently, giving him almost spasms of pain. She moved her mouth to his inner thigh and he felt her satisfied grin tickle his skin. She bitted him playfully before lifting herself up to lay down on him completely, her arms crossed on his chest with her chin rested on them. She watched him, amused, as he was unable to catch his breath, his eyes barely opening, arms laid out wildly on each side of him. Only one thought remained; he never would have accepted his faith as a Silent Brother if they had pursued their intercourse so long ago.

While Jem's breath slowly became even, he felt Tessa fingertips caress the planes and curves of his face tenderly, as to commit them to memory. He lazily opened his eyes to gaze into the grey depths of hers. The amorous look she returned him tugged at his heart, already mistreated by his own overwhelming feeling of adoration. A smile slowly broke out the seriousness of his expression, one of those smiles that Tessa once compared to the sun shining through the clouds.

Jem raised his hand to cup Tessa's face, drawing her toward him to kiss her affectionately, with all his heart in it. He felt her sigh lightly, joyously letting him move him mouth against hers, passion claiming him back quietly. He would never have enough of her; the gracious curves of her body, the fierceness of her embrace, the playful touch of her hands but mostly, the deep generous heart her gorgeous breasts hided shyly.

He moved his hands down Tessa's shoulders, gently brushing the side of her bosom, his thumbs almost carelessly rubbing her nipples on the way to her hips, where they lifted her a little, spreading her legs open so she could rest on his awakening manhood. She giggled softly in his mouth, a smile twitching on her lips while his hands fondled her buttock slowly, giving it a slight rotating movement so she could feel him harden under her. She started to moan and the sound echoed on his tongue that was searching hers avidly. His excitement came back ardently as Tessa's hips picked up the pace, her own passion leaving a slippery trail on him. She left his lips, raising her head and arched her back to better feel the tension building between them. Her nails dig down his chest and his buzzing ears could hear nothing but their panting breaths and contained screams.

He knew she was ready when he heard her gasps, her hand grasping his shoulder viciously. He forced himself to stop, holding her hips while she let him hear his annoyance with an angry growl. He almost laughed at that but he was too short of breath to do so. He swallowed hardly and looked up at her scowl.

- "Tessa... Tess, are you sure ? I don't want to..."

She violently clasped a hand on his mouth and stared him down crossly.

- "Jem... I love you but please... stop talking. I already told you I was sure. It's not the time to change your mind now."

He let out a shaky laugh when she released him and made amends by bringing her neck down to kiss her fiercely. He felt her sigh of relief and another smile tugged at his lips. She heaved herself on top of him, her hand gently taking hold of his sex to place it at her entrance, slowly easing him inside of her without breaking their kiss. Jem felt a low gasp escapes his lips as he felt her entirely. It was better than what he had ever imagined. The softness of her was mind-blowing. She took him all in, in a torturing tardiness, enjoying his clenched hands on her hips.

When she started to move, picking up the pace, her insides tightening around him; he didn't contain anymore, unashamed of his complaints and delighted to hear her own sounds of pleasures again, moans and low-pitched screams. His head swirled wildly, following her rhythms, his hands seizing her buttock with fervour, not allowing her to go away, which was unlikely to happen as Tessa was unfolding her passionate nature under his loving gaze. She was chanting his name like a warrior, claiming her pleasure without boundaries. Her hands left his chest to go down his neck, tugging at it, gently asking him to sit down, which he did, her legs wrapping around his hips, their eyes now levelled. He saw in her gaze what she wanted and he bent down to kiss her, enfolding her at the same time in his embrace, all of them touching and moving together. They devoured each other with eagerness as their hips met savagely to reach their release.

Jem couldn't tell afterwards if it took them five minutes or an hour as he had felt himself dissolved into Tessa while they moved, his screams muffled by her breasts that his lips had cherished and her own cries of pleasure. His ecstasy had been even more explosive as he had felt Tessa's muscles contract violently to drag him even deeper in the abyss of his pleasure. His body had shivered, trembling uncontrollably as his ears had echoed with Tessa's fierce moans, expressing the urge of release they had chased feverishly. His mind had went blank when he finally had broke apart, his climax reverberated by Tessa's one, as she had first tightened brutally around him, filling the room with her long complaint. Jem's body had shook from head to toe when he had heard her, joining her shortly, screaming her name in his pleasure...

The only thing that remained now was how he cherished this woman on his lap and how he never wanted to leave her side again.

* * *

Tessa was laying down on him, eyes closed, exhausted and still dizzy from their outburst of passion. He was tenderly caressing her hair, his fingers sliding through the curls, almost hypnotizing himself with the steady movement. He couldn't think about anything, his mind oblivious to everything except his complete bliss.

He felt her eyelashes tickle his chest as Tessa opened her eyes. She lifted her head to look up at him, her face full of serious worship. He felt his cheeks blush as he took in her expression. He'd never been one to expect love or care from others, he was the one lending a hand, always. He felt uncomfortable with the depths contained in her eyes. He wanted to give HER everything, not the contrary, he had never care about his own self when he'd been with her. Tessa's fingertips came to rest lightly on his mouth, as if she had known he was about to casually escape her deeply loving stare with a speech of his own.

- "Jem" she said softly. He barely could look at her. "Jem, look at me." He did, reluctantly. "I love you. I don't want anything to ever come back between us, neither your past sickness or my previous life or even Will. But, most of all, I don't ever want to loose you again due to foolishness. I've known loss and I couldn't handle loosing you simply because of your overwhelming selflessness. I will not allow you to forget yourself." She hesitated, not sure if she could say the words that were on her mind but she did. "I always had a feeling there was more to you becoming a Silent Brother than your wish to stay alive for me and Will... I thought" she cleared her throat "I thought, after you told me you knew about Will's feelings, that you retired yourself willingly, leaving him the place. You couldn't die because he would never have allowed himself to be with me... but you couldn't stay with me either." She let her words ran out, looking gravely in Jem's eyes.

He felt his heart burdened by the years of solitude, the years he had kept his motives secret, at least part of them, and not even the biggest one. His eyes searched Tessa's wonderingly, trying to know if she really wanted to hear him out. It's almost against his own will that he started to speak, his voice low and husky.

- "I was dying, Tessa. It had been my unfaltering truth throughout all of these years. Will was my feeble attempt to leave a meaningful mark in this world. When you came into my room, that night, I was used to this ghost of life, I was fine with it. My only worry was to leave my _parabatai_ behind, to let him dissolve in his loneliness. But you... when I first saw you, I thought you were an angel, here to save me from my addiction. I didn't want to hope, didn't want to love you as I was convinced that you couldn't love me back... Even though I had wished, a long time ago, to live the kind of love my parents had shared." He looked up at her, seeing her eyes shine of unshed tears. He winced and lifted his hand to cup her cheek, his thumb caressing her lips. "Tessa, you made me the happiest man alive. I couldn't have care less about the quantity of yin fen I was taking if it could have kept me healthy by your side. But it didn't, and I knew I was making it worst... When I heard Magnus speak to Will, mentioning his love for you, I felt awful, guilt swallowing me. Wasn't I suppose to take care of him? I felt it even more so, when I looked down in his eyes and saw the trueness of his feelings. Although, when he told me you didn't love him, I felt a pang of relief, to my great shame. But then... Sophie came by and she had always been a terrible liar. She couldn't hide it." Jem gazed away, leaving his hold on Tessa's cheek, he didn't want her to see his feelings at the moment. He cleared his throat. "For a second, I felt like the world was laughing at my expense. Of course you loved Will... how could you have not? What was I, then? I must say I didn't pondered on that and shoved it away. The only thing left for me was what had always been there, I was dying. But then, I didn't have to anguish over Will's fate, neither yours... You both had that solved for me if I only removed myself of the equation, without leaving either of you a martyr. My choice was to not leave you any. I did wanted to stay by your side, both your sides, as pathetic as that may seem to most people. The two important persons in my life would find happiness together and I could make sure of it. I did. As you said, selflessness had never been hard for me and I was the one who had nothing to lose..."

Jem heard Tessa's breath hitch and when he turned to look at her, he saw her sobbing quietly. Stricken, he embraced her gently, trying to comfort her.

- "Tessa... Tess, I don't regret it. Not anymore. You, the love of my life, had everything you wanted. You've been happy and Will too and that's all that mattered. Even then... that's all that EVER mattered."

Tessa sniffled in a very unladylike manner and lifted her head, looking down at him, a bit of anger filling her eyes.

- "Jem, I won't say that I'm sorry you gave me a life with Will but I definitely won't thank you for choosing for us. This is the past, and though I wanted to clear it out, I mostly want now to be sure of one thing..."

Uncertain, Jem asked huskily:

- "And what is that?"

- "That you'll never choose for me anymore, that you'll always cherish your own happiness as much as mine, that you'll learn to be selfish and take for your own a life full of surprises and wonders..." She added fiercely these last words. "You are not dying anymore Jem, don't act like it."

Jem glanced deeply in Tessa's bright eyes, smiling slowly, his soul enchanted by her spirited defence of his happiness, her eager need to give him a life he never thought he could have and felt himself freed for the first time in many, many years. It's with a mischievous grin that he answered her.

- "Well, as you wish me to be selfish, I'll tell you what I want. Marry me. Tomorrow. Right now. For real this time. You're all that I ever wanted."

Tessa stared at him, speechless, and it's with a light heart that James Carstairs, 147 years old, laughed carelessly in front of his lover's put out expression, one of many more to come.

THE END... ?


End file.
